I recently listened to an episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, where she interviewed Dr. Gabor Maté, a renowned physician specialising in childhood development, trauma, and addiction.

During the interview, Dr. Maté shared that autoimmune diseases (AD) disproportionately affect women, who account for around 80% of cases. He then went on to explain that while in clinical practice, he noticed several recurring patterns among his female patients with AD, who tended to:

• prioritise other people’s needs over their own
• identify more with duty, roles, and responsibilities than with their own needs
• repress healthy anger and were often described as ‘nice people'
• believe they were responsible for other people’s feelings and feared disappointing others.

Everything is connected

As someone who works with women on these beliefs and behaviours, I wasn’t surprised by what Dr Maté shared. But what did strike me was the physiological impact of the chronic stress that comes from an inability to say 'no'. 

Dr Maté explained that our immune, hormonal, nervous, and emotional systems are interconnected - they are one system. Think about that for a moment. When you suppress your emotional system (and needs), you’re also suppressing your hormonal, immune, and nervous systems. In essence, you’re turning against yourself - something I refer to as self-abandonment.

History repeats

For centuries, women have been taught to be nice, avoid causing trouble, and keep the peace - often at the expense of our own well-being. This conditioning doesn’t just take an emotional toll; it is literally harming our health.

To break this generational cycle, we must learn to:

• identify and articulate our needs
• give ourselves (and each other) permission to say ‘no’ to what doesn’t serve us and ‘yes’ to what does.
• express healthy anger through setting boundaries.
• practice self-responsibility instead of carrying the burden of other-responsibility.

We have been conditioned to believe this is selfish, but let me be clear: it is not. Taking care of ourselves is one of the most important responsibilities we have. 

Take the first step toward change

Learning to say no and set boundaries is a vital step in reclaiming your health, freedom and sense of autonomy. If this resonates with you, I invite you to download my free boundaries ebook which guides you on how to do so with love. Remember: saying no isn’t just about protecting yourself - it’s about saying yes to  creating the life you truly deserve.

Photo by Jen Theodore on Unsplash