Stories of domestic violence survivors are often overlooked or misrepresented and unfortunately, the recent film adaptation of It Ends with Us has also missed the mark.

A Failure to Capture the Complexity of Abuse

Domestic violence is not just about physical harm; it’s a complex, insidious erosion of a person’s spirit and autonomy. The film barely touches on these elements and reinforces the myth that it can only be domestic violence if it involves a black eye. The movie fails to adequately capture love-bombing, trauma-bonding, financial control, emotional and psychological abuse, having your every move watched and the sheer exhaustion of living with an abusive partner.

The film glosses over the reality of having to walk on eggshells, the isolation from friends and family, the shame, and the gradual chipping away at your self-esteem until you have no fight left. Instead, it opts for visually stunning shots of Lily’s clothes and flowers, and a focus on aesthetics over substance, leaving viewers with a sanitised version of what domestic violence truly is.

She Leaves Once and Never Looks Back

The film also paints an idealistic picture of a woman who leaves her abuser and never returns—a narrative that, while empowering in theory, doesn’t reflect the reality for most victims. It takes an average of seven attempts for a woman to successfully leave an abusive relationship. Yet, in this story, Lily walks away the first time, is immediately believed, and confidently requests a divorce with no argument from Ryle.

It’s so far from reality and frankly offensive to the countless women who struggle to break free from the cycle of abuse - often caught between fear of the unknown, fear of going back and the desperate hope that their partner might change. And I’ve never heard of an abusive partner that lets go without a fight or the chance to inflict further trauma.

The film’s Hollywood sheen—complete with glamour, money, and a lack of financial struggles—feels out of touch with the gritty, painful reality of domestic violence.

Domestic Violence Should Be Triggering

A friend suggested that the film might have avoided delving deeper into the subject because it would be too triggering. But domestic violence should be triggering. It’s traumatic and ugly and should make everyone watching deeply uncomfortable. By glossing over these harsh realities, the film does a disservice to victims everywhere, presenting a story that feels far removed from the truth.

For the Women Who Feel Misrepresented

To the women who feel like this movie doesn’t do them or their story justice—I see you. This is not an accurate representation of the sheer hell that I know you go through. A hell that no-one can possibly understand unless they walk in your shoes.

Call 1800RESPECT for support.

Written with a little help from AI (all opinions are my own).

Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash